15 Dating Tips for Gay Introverts

Being an introvert is nothing to be ashamed of. Introverted people can be happy, content with their lives and loved without having to change. However, when you start dating online you will be met with certain expectations, one of which is opening up relatively quickly. This can be uncomfortable, but we are here to share our dating tips for gay introverts to help you.

What to expect on gay dating sites

Joining a gay dating site for the first time can be overwhelming for an introvert. Creating a perfect dating profile and interacting with a large number of people on a daily basis can be exhausting even for someone whose social batteries have a bigger capacity. Here are our tips to help you through your adjustment period.

  • Take your time
  • Admit you are new
  • Be picky
  • Listen more than you talk

Taking your time to understand how the site works and figure out the usual interaction style is going to help you avoid miscommunication.

A smiling woman looking at a phone camera.
It’s okay if you don’t have a lot of experience in online dating.

Saying you are new and not used to online dating will both buy you some time and help you recognize people who don‘t respect boundaries from the start.

Choosing whom to dedicate more time to is important for keeping your energy level at optimum.

A conversation doesn‘t always have to be 50:50. You can steer a conversation so the other person gets the chance to shine and you show you are a great listener.

Additional online dating tips for gay introverts

After you‘ve spent some time on a gay dating site or app, you will see many people use them for casual fun or simply chatting and making friends. Of course, this is totally okay, but if it doesn‘t match your own expectations you shouldn‘t invest time and effort into those conversations. Hence, you should

Dedicate your time to finding the right dating site that will cater to your expectations.

Signal you are looking for a more serious (or more casual) relationship on your profile so anyone who visits it knows whether to contact you.

Initiate conversations with people you are interested in to avoid waiting for them and using your energy on unsatisfactory interactions.

However, you should know online dating isn‘t something you can prolong indefinitely. If you click with someone, it would be best to set up a date with them and see whether you have chemistry when you actually meet.

A kissing gay couple.
It’s time to go out there!

First date tips for gays

The first date can make or break the rest of your relationship since that is when most people decide whether they are truly interested in their date. That is why it is important to be in the right mindset. Striking a balance between being attentive, participating in the conversation and actually figuring out whether you want to keep seeing the person is draining for any introvert. We have some suggestions to help you.

  • Organize a short date
  • Focus on your body language
  • Ask poignant questions
  • Plan for something you both enjoy

Dating Tips for Gay Introverts: How to do it?

Going for a coffee instead of dinner is a great way to gauge whether you want to keep seeing someone. That is to say, it will give you time to make an informed decision while still not draining your energy. This will condition you not to linger on any topic for too long, which will show your chemistry very quickly. Then on the second date, you will be able to ask more about what you‘ve already talked about until you feel more comfortable.

Your body says a lot more than you think. Try to open up more to show you are happy to be there. A defensive posture, such as crossed arms, keeping yourself at an arm’s length and holding your hands in your pockets are mistakes to avoid.

Small talk isn‘t for everyone. Rather than exchanging pleasantries, you should talk about things your date enjoys. This way they will, again, get the chance to talk about their passion, whether it‘s a hobby, sport, art, or something else.

A rainbow colored ribbon.
Listen to your date take pride in what they love!

Online dating gives us an amazing opportunity to find common ground before actually planning for the time you first meet. If your date has picked up on your shyness, they will make sure to choose something you are comfortable with. This is also a great indicator of their priorities, in the sense that you probably don‘t want to date someone who doesn‘t pay attention to your needs or doesn‘t understand them.

Now what?

So, you made it through your first date! By now you should have a good idea of whether you want to go to another one or not. If the former is true you could take the opportunity to get out of your comfort zone. Ask your date if they‘d like to go out with you again. The worst thing that can happen is being rejected, which can sting, but you should still be proud of yourself for coming out of your shell. However, if they do want to see you again they will appreciate the effort you have made.

If, on the other hand, you realize a second date isn‘t a good idea (for any reason!), you shouldn‘t avoid saying so if they ask you whether you‘d like to go out again. Be kind, but set a boundary. Saying Yes, or Maybe when you don‘t really mean it can increase the awkwardness for a while. However, it will leave you in a situation where you have to prolong contact with them and give them false hope. In other words – rejection hurts but is a lot more honest than agreeing to something you‘re not really into.


Setting expectations upon yourself can be detrimental and make you feel like you‘re doing worse than you actually are. You don‘t have to pretend and go against your shyness. Dating impatient people may have you believe there is something wrong with you. Hence, our last piece of advice is to find someone who has a lot of understanding and makes you forget about your shyness in time. There is nothing to be ashamed of.