First date questions you should avoid

A first date is your chance to get to know someone on a deeper level. However, many people don’t know where to start. Of course, a bad first date doesn’t have to mean the end, but planning ahead can’t hurt. We are here to give you some guidelines on inappropriate first date questions.

Awkward first date questions

The excitement of seeing someone for the first time can lead to awkwardness. This is absolutely normal and you shouldn‘t worry. At the end of the day, you are out of your comfort zone. However, this can make you feel like you need to ask questions just to avoid silence. For this reason, Best Dating Sites Today is here to help you avoid asking the awkward questions.

First date questions related to the future

Of course you should be interested in your date‘s life, and that includes their future. The problem arises when you implicate this future will include you. You both came here to assess if you are interested in spending more time together. That‘s why you shouldn‘t insert yourself into their future right from the start. Allow your date to make a decision without rushing it. Here are some questions to avoid.

Where do you see this relationship going?

There’s no relationship to speak of if you‘re sitting face to face for the first time. The chance is they won’t know the answer to this question on the first date. You probably don’t either. And that is absolutely normal and expected. The first date is not a time nor a place for planning your future. It is meant to enable you both to determine if you want to go to a second date.

Do you want children?

The decision to have children or not is deeply personal. It can also be hurtful for many people. No one should feel obliged to explain their decisions and plans to anyone. We understand this question is important to many people, but there‘s a time and place for it.

Woman looking upset.
Having children is a very sensitive topic

First date questions about their past

Again, it is important to be interested in your date and what makes them the person they are today. However, you should make sure you don’t pry or insist on knowing their personal history before they’re ready to tell you.

So, why are you single?

You really shouldn‘t be asking this, because it can come off as saying ”so, what‘s the matter with you?”. Would you like being interrogated about your fatal flaws? They don‘t either. Don’t focus on the negative.

What was your ex like?

This follows up the previous question. A table can be too small for three people, so don‘t bring their (or your own) exes to a date. An ex is an ex for a reason. Bringing them up can turn a pleasant evening into an awkward mess you‘ll both want to leave ASAP. Also, please don‘t ask them about their sexual history. You‘re basically still strangers, and it is none of your business.

Controversial first date questions

There are some areas in life that are deeply personal, and therefore important to many people. Still, they are not suitable for a first date and can leave a very bad impression. Of course you can (and should) be interested in these aspects of your date‘s life, but a first date shouldn‘t revolve around them and it is very easy to slip into a spiral.

Religion and background

People have had differing opinions on religion since religion became a thing. Don‘t ask them if they‘re religious, practicing, spiritual etc because you can‘t know their reaction upfront. Same goes for their ethnic background. Asking ”but where are you really from” or ”what are you” can come out as dehumanizing and diminish your chances.

Politics

Politics can be a touchy subject as well. Don‘t ask directly whom they are supporting or voting for. Additionally, if politics are very important to you try not to go on a tirade about a political matter. Trust us, they‘re not here to listen to that.

A eoman and a man with their backs turned to each other.
Disagreeing on personal issues is a bad start

Money

Another incredibly personal matter. Don‘t ask how much they‘re making, or about the cost of their dress, purse, car etc. Pay attention, and don‘t talk about your own earnings too much either. Being focused on money can and will make you look superficial.

First date conversation topics

There are topics that can tell you a lot about a person, and help you determine if you want to keep seeing them. These topics also allow you to get to know the person you‘re with, but in a more natural and pleasant way.

What are your hobbies?

If someone willingly takes the time out of their day and dedicates to an activity – they probably want to talk about it. This way you‘ll learn what they‘re passionate about and share their excitement. A good listener is hard to find, and they‘ll most likely appreciate your interest.

Who is the most interesting person you know?

Learn what they find interesting in a person. This can tell you lots about them too – what they find fascinating, weird, appreciate, or don‘t like. Additionally – you‘re learning this through an (hopefully) interesting story without getting too personal.

Couple sitting at a table, looking at each other and smiling.
Start with lighter topics that still say a lot about both of you

Who are the most influential people in your life?

Notice how we didn‘t say family? It is very intentional. Maybe your date doesn‘t have the best relationship with their parents or extended family. By giving them space to choose the people they want to talk about, you‘re still finding out about their family, but in a more subtle way. If they don‘t mention their mom, for instance – you‘ll know that‘s probably a touchy subject.

Here are some other topics and questions that will allow you to learn about your date without being too intrusive:

  • What is something you‘d like to learn or get better at?
  • What is your favorite book/movie/band, and why do you like it?
  • If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
  • What do you like about your field of work?
  • What is on your bucket list?
  • Give me a fun fact about your birthplace/highschool/college/work.

Make sure not to bombard your date with questions. These are suggestions, not a check list. Allow them to ask some questions too, and answer truthfully.

Lastly, if you feel uncomfortable with anything they ask, say it clearly, and if they keep prying, don‘t be afraid to leave. Expect them to be at least as considerate of your privacy as you are of theirs.